these is my old journal switched over from xanga

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

 Whoa so i had one of those dreams again. The kind where you think you are awake but you really aren't. I was in my bed falling asleep, when all of a sudden I hear noises outside my door, and for some reason i think a swat team is here to take me. I decide to check it out/ go to the bathroom, but when i open the door its just a wall of wood. I can't go anywhere. I go back to bed, thinking shit i'm in a dream but i still need to go to the bathroom. So I wake up again, find the door and start to walk to the bathroom. The hall becomes a dark void, and i wander forward until i reach my bed again. I fake wake up 2 or three more times from my bed, and i'm starting to get scared i'm in some sort of coma, but more just frustrated i can't just really wake up urinate. Finally I do wake up, and don't believe it until i actually get to the bathroom. 

Monday, March 22, 2004

 Sometimes I think God made my life out of sandpaper. Not that i'd want to be frictionless, i mean shucks, thats like death. I like me for me. But to have a clear view of the horizon, well three cheers for that, friend. Three cheers at the least.

 1:38 AM

Sunday, March 21, 2004

 A good day. As we were tossing the discus outside, this crazy storm came and things were flying all over the place. The rains came, and washed the ground of impurities, just for us. I had never played in the mud, just stared at it and wondered what the heck was its problem. I don't think i've ever known what it is to be truly dirty. As it absorbed me, as it covered my body until I looked black, i felt one with the earth, literally.  After that, everything was a mess, our hall our doors. The chaos was as beautiful as when i was a little one.
 

 1:05 AM

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

 19 years...does the number of times the earth has circled the sun matter to who I am? I spent my birthday playing the guitar and thinking too much. As i walked through the rain, i noticed it tasted funny, a little bitter. People were all using umbrellas and looking extremely bummed. How many times had it rained in their lives? The time will come when they miss it. Fake love is tough. I wish I could love god, and therefore myself... but thats seem like a memory now. I'll just keep on fallin for the next pretty face, having as good a time as I can :)  I want to start over. 
 

 9:13 PM

Sunday, March 14, 2004

 whoa, that last one stunk, so i might make this one better. Phew, my friends didn't change, just stayed awesome. So all in all break was good. Last night we went to alot of the hotels, making paper airplanes, climbing to the top floor and letting them loose trying to get them inside people's rooms... Then security would get mad and we would have to run. The fog was awesome yesterday, so we took advantage and offroaded in the darkness by the lake, while listening to the darkness. When we got to the actual lake, the universe ended. The shore ended, and then it was all fog and divergent limits. Downright spooky friends.Well we've reached that time when i have to say goodbye. Don't worry, I'll see you somehow, somewhere stranger.
 
 7:43 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

 I drew for the first time in a few years on the airplane ride... it was of a plane, flying into the earth which was swalllowing itself on a napkin of numbers and i am in the middle of it with a dunce cap.My uncle came into town. Hes a jokester and pretty big drinker.. We stayed up till 6 in the morning drinking aguardiente(kinda like tequila), telling jokes and talking about life, spanish style.The next day I met up with a couple of old friends that are going steady. Its kind of awesome, they are so happy when together. It was so easy to laugh, as if i've never left. I really dunno if i'll ever find friends like these at vanderbilt.Basically what i'm trying to say is, my needs are shallow. All I need is a muscle car, ninja powers and like 16- 17chicks. Or just one real girl, ever.
 

 12:51 AM

Saturday, February 28, 2004

 Yesterday it was gray and i was somber. But today god was like rarrrrr and he was like dan if you don't check this out no more girls. Then he laughed, but i went outside anyways.  Sure enough today was beautiful. We played football in this big lawn next to the law library. I'm not so good , but it was still awesome. I'm about to go to another basketball game, and yell my heart out. We are probably going to write something awesome on our chests,  so that when the camera gets on us we lift up our shirts and its obscene.

The rest of this week has not been as cool. I had all these fake papers to write, and this cool chick named sarah thought i was into her so she ran away. Man, I want a water gun. Me and some friends used to detach our windshield wiper fluid things, fill them with water, and have them cocked to the side during the summer, so we could spray people and cars that were beside us.  Note to me in the future: if you have built a time machine yet, come take me back to that summer.
 

 5:27 PM

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

 Man so this weekend was really cool. I woke up and ate the free cafeteria food they have every saturday. I ate two bowls of cereal with macaroni and cheese and thought to myself, dang this is good. The campus gets happy every time theres a game. Its ok for everyone to act like animals. Everyone sharing an emotion. Sure its manufactured, but at least its genuine. After the game we walked down to see this Led Zeppelin cover band. There was this awesome middle aged chick who had "done acid a few times" and told me I was the fourth coming. She kept on repeating it over and over and i kept on nodding and trying not to laugh. Her eyes were so blank. Scary. The place is packed and sells out really fast. I thought it was going to be all older dudes, but there was alot kids there and I thought "man, I wonder if anyone will even remember me 30 years later. Thats it, i'm going to kick lifes butt." The concert was fawesome. I left satifisfied but completely deaf, and could barely walk because we had stood in place  for like four hours. I got home and the previous thought wouldn't let me sleep.

Lucky for me, I had an awesome hiking trip at 7am the next day. I would been bummed because I was so tired but then there was this cool chick Sarah, and I didn't even feel tired anymore. It was weird. The outdoor rec people drove us to this trail like 2 hours away next to this massive river. There was this rock that look just like the lion king by it, and in the river i heard everything. The caves were even more hardcore. It was like the earth was trying to swallow me, but wanted to let me check it out. We saw some waterfalls and other awesome stuff and went home. *Phew* that was long, peace.
 

 6:12 PM

Thursday, February 19, 2004

 At 5 in the morning, my mind replaces dreaming with a half awake reflective state. I thought it would be perfect for an entry. I have had a fake sense of humillity for so long. I assume to know everyone soon after i've met them simply because i see my impulsive self in everyone. I attach myself to girls on a whim. In the last girl I liked, it was some intangible kindness I saw, a personality I assumed too much of. Now I may never get to truly know her. I've slutted myself from dogma to preacher, immediately attracted to whatever would justify my current circumstances.The transition has been slow enough to consider myself 'wise', but this is simply prideful imagination filling a void which would otherwise contain passion or maybe even love. If desire one thing most, its to act without thinking. I could then know myself.
 

 5:30 AM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

 So its valentines day. Alot of people seem really sad or happy, but today seems like just another apathetic day. To observe new love is cool regardless.. They regain some childlike quality of forgetting about others.. Ha, fortunately I'm supposedly too busy to reflect. Cya
 

 5:06 PM

Thursday, February 12, 2004

 When i write in this journal, i look back on the day, but i didn't realize how trivial the average day is. Not much noteworthy for permanent text. But i did manage to talk to that guy that doesn't shower in our hall. I was at a safe distance from the smell, and found him to be misunderstood. 

So today I started reading all the stuff i slept through in great works of western literature. Needless to say most of it wasn't great, until i got to pope's essay on man. Its like the hesse/ palaniuk of the 18th century. Nuts.  I think spring is starting, i can almost smell it.
 

 9:33 PM

 I slept through my first three classes today. Its alot better than the half sleep i've been getting, I needed to dream a little.  Usually when i wake up, i look outside at the tree branches( i'm on 4th floor) and see a picture in them. But i wake up today, and they cut alot of them off. I daydreamed through philosophy and political science.  The best part of the day is definitely on my bike. i'm tired, gnight.